My roast notes never read, now you know!
I wrote some things down today, because I said I’d roast Jason if ever given the chance, and to be honest while writing them I wanted a drink.
I came to wonder how synonymous Jason has become with drinking for me.
As such every time I say his name in these next two or so pages I will be taking a drink, I suggest Jason, and all of you join in.
People are always asking me, after working and living with Jason for a couple of years how are you going to deal with him leaving?
To which I reply, contrary to popular belief the sex is quite terrible and the crying isn’t getting any better.
The things I will miss though, the blood.
And by the blood I mean the blood left on the floor, the wall, the backyard, the broken glass.
Don’t worry it was all his.
The blood drawn on the white board, the word blood scrawled on the white board, the over use of the phrase “blood letting,” “blood getting,” also phrases like, “it’s only a little baby blood,” “we’re gonna get those bones out of you,” “they smell like a tire fire,” or “Know him? He was delicious!” etc.
I want to say I’ll miss the drinking and have that be a healthy statement, but it isn’t..
I do fear since I no longer live with the top consumer of Tecate the company may come after me.
Or go for broke.
I fear they are going to over produce tall cans, flood the market, that there will be inflation, that the dow jones of mexican beer will tank.
If Jason stops drinking after he moves out his liver will probably make a come back releasing chemicals long stored away all at once, giving him a glow, and a high that may truly mistake him for Jesus.
In all honesty I fear this as I fear all false prophets, so if you see him buy him a drink.
When he moves out I might actually go a week or two without hearing Batman’s voice in my living room, which will make it seem as if two people have moved out.
As far as work is concerned Jon, Duo, and I all know there are parts of Viracocha we can’t get to, that only “The Terrier,” can access, these places will grow dusty and cob webbed, they will most likely inherit the ghost of a small child and for some reason smell of rolled cigarettes.
After two years of working the door upstairs I think we can all agree Jason does indeed make a better door than a window. I would know I’ve been down here working the window in the back.
Apparently I make a better window.
I want to say Jason and I have logged the most time in this basement, both drinking and working and working and drinking. I’m fairly sure there is no award for most time spent in a basement, and if there is I’ll let him have it, I think it just fits him better.
Thanks to San Francisco and myself Jason is now a fan of baseball, which is to say Jason can finally voice all his favorite death threats.
I had feared he would never get those out.
Besides the bleacher seats meet the required ninety feet of distance as designated in the various restraining orders.
He just didn’t do things the easy way you know, he did them with long hair and loose clothing clumsily, it was dangerous but often that is what this job demanded.
We would joke that all Jon really sells here is fire hazards.
I think we can all agree Jason was the best fire hazards salesman.
I don’t think there is an award for that either.
And after the blood letting we have planned tonight and after his passing, San Francisco is out the best fire hazard salesman.
Oh and he also wrote poetry, made music, laughter, friendships and art of all kinds, blah blah blah.
So, here’s to Jason, if LA is still the hot wet dirty city I remember I hope it burns down thanks to him in no time!
Some people love to shut down people who talk about trans and intersex issues by saying that they’re “only 1% of the population” and thus can be ignored since they “aren’t statistically significant enough.”
By that logic, we can now systematically ignore:
- The entire state of Rhode Island
- Anyone who makes over $500,000 a year
- Pacific Islanders
I definitely get the point but we can still ignore Rhode island right?